Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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