last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
