Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
