I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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