you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
