i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
