We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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