my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
