She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
