TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
