How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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