She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
