Sponge bath it is.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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