Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
