I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
