I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
