She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
