got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
