the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dicks are not precious.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
