a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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