Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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