oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
