so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
false alarm. still invincible.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
