Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
