i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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