reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
