I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
