my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
