I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
