Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
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