And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
