very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
