well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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