The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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