What did we do last night that was yellow?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My vagina just recognized that song.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
