It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just google imaged poop.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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