It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
