Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
