So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
