May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
