just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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