Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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