Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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