dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
