I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
