u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
