You just made me feel so damn special
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
