thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
