Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
