we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
