i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
