this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
