there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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