you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
