the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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