my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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