Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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