College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
