He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
