i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
