mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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